This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
