did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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