Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
