U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
