Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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