Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
