i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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