Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
