got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They have beer where we have blood.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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