I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
