I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize