My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
