My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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