don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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