After last night, I could never be a politician.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
