apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
