Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she looked like the before picture.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
