Will you blow on my dice?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
