that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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