Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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