I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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