Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
