True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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