just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sarcasm needs its own font
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
