Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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