you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
