just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
