I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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