Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
