Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
