Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
