I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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