I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
4 words: hood of his car
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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