What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
