Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
