the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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