connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize