we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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