My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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