You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
