You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
