i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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