batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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