ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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