What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
