Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
