Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
