no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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