I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
