i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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