I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
