Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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