listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
