dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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