I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who did Billy Mays play for?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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