Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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