I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
