Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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