I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
