okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
