I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize