I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
