Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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