that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
