I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
