Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
