no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
