I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Randomize
