how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
