i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
