Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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