I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
