When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
