hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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