Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
