I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
