I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
3 2 1 whiskey
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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