if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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