theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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