a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
