Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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