I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
