He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
babies were throwing up all over the place
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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