My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
