DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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