The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
