Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
