just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
