Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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