U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
