How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
