Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
