i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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