the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im calling her cock vulture from now on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
