last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
