Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
