I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
