i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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