1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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