u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
